I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
