somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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