mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
