I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
