dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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