Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My feet surprised me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize