We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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