Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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