I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
