she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
