Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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