please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
