dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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