I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
A bitchslap is in order.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
