it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We are two peas in an std pod
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
