Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
