he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
