I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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