whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize