I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
