you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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