he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
