Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
