i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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