People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
