uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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