Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
