he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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