I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
