Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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