If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I believe in your delicious
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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