so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
