I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
