I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
