Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
