u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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