i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
