ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
