My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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