You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
