porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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