Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
