Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
