No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
love makes seman taste better
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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