There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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