AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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