His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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