the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
