I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
