i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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