I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
