____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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