She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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