i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
