I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
