so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize