it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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