So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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