Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
