Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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