just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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