Even the bartender felt bad for me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
