is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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