I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize