I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
