you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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