I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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