No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
