nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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