I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
