We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
