How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize