so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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