The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
