Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
