Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
