I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
