oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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