nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
