watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wish my penis had a tongue
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
