she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
