I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
