i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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