If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ttyl tear gas
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
