I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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