There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
