I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
