Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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