I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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