At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
