I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
