I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
