had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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