Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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