so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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