Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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