if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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