Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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