There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
