he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
