Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
