Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
