Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
