So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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