So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
