Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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