Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Jerry, you need to find god
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All the doctor said was why
My feet surprised me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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