i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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