He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
